But WHY do I not really believe that it happened? There is plenty of evidence that it DID happen, but my memory has blocked it out, and I am constantly wanting to live as if it never happened at all.
That’s why, I suppose, it keeps tripping me up. And my body reacts every time something reminds it of that thing I can’t/won’t remember.
And, of course, I can’t live as if it didn’t happen, because it had pretty drastic effects on my life. Maybe if I can thank God for the effects, or, at least start by being thankful for some of them, I can really accept it, and move forward.