Shall I keep jotting down my thoughts for the day, shall I stop this blog, or shall I tell a bit of the story of my long journey through PTSD over nearly 9 years? Please ‘like’ this post if you’d like me to do the journey.
I hope that I am now towards the end of the really incapacitating stages. I knew I’d made a qualitative step forward when I awoke one morning last November and thought, ‘The world seems real,’ and I realized how unreal everything and everyone had felt for eight and a half years.
I hadn’t really been here – not quite in the present – and I’d been tired all the time because it had been such an effort to focus on anything – to drag my mind into the task for now, to listen to the person in front of me. And, often, my system just switched off, and I had to stop what I was trying to do. I could only do things in little bits, and hope that they would somehow hold together. (It’s called ‘dissociation’)
It’s wonderful to feel more engaged with the world, more part of the world (despite the mess in it!). This spring, the sun and the flowers and the fresh green feels real, I feel as if there are fresh green shoots growing in my life,
and I’m thankful. And God feels real again. Which is the best of all!