Disorientation and keeping going

After hitting my head, I was taken back into the shop and given a cup of tea, and then I went back to see if there was anyone in the church where I had my office (there wasn’t) and then found my way home.

I knew that I was very shaken, and felt kind-of-as-if I’d stepped into a different world.  But I kept trying to do what I had to do.  I went to bed, but got up for a very important meeting I was to lead that evening.  Next morning, I went to the optician to get my spectacles mended.  They were bent, and had a scratch on the lens that was somehow very familiar.  I was feeling very strange, and the optician told me to go and see a doctor.

I went.  Nothing wrong with me, said the doctor.  ‘Go home and rest and you’ll be fine!’  So I went home to bed, and that’s where David found me when he got back from the USA that evening.  When I got up the next day, I felt better and tried to get going, but was soon feeling strange again.

‘Take some time off to get better!’ said my line manager. So I tried to, but all the time I was obsessing about a paper I had to write, and wanting to keep on going, doing what I could do, treating this as a temporary ‘blip’ and ready to get back to full tilt work asap.

Maybe my tiredness this week is reflecting that pattern:  I may be ‘walking out of that door towards the head injury’ in my trauma journey, but there’s a lot to do in my 2015 life.  People have said, ‘Writing is therapeutic’ – in this case, it’s therapeutic because it reminds me that I’m dealing with more than my 2015 responsibilities.  I wasn’t ‘normal’ after I hit my head, and I am still not at the stage where I can work at full tilt for a whole week.  Better to take a break every day to recognize the trauma journey, to be still, to acknowledge the Loving Lord in control, to discern what not to do today!

One thought on “Disorientation and keeping going

  1. Even without the trauma, these are wise words for us: Better to take a break every day …, to be still, to acknowledge the Loving Lord in control, to discern what not to do today!

    Liked by 1 person

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