After hitting my head, I was taken back into the shop and given a cup of tea, and then I went back to see if there was anyone in the church where I had my office (there wasn’t) and then found my way home.
I knew that I was very shaken, and felt kind-of-as-if I’d stepped into a different world. But I kept trying to do what I had to do. I went to bed, but got up for a very important meeting I was to lead that evening. Next morning, I went to the optician to get my spectacles mended. They were bent, and had a scratch on the lens that was somehow very familiar. I was feeling very strange, and the optician told me to go and see a doctor.
I went. Nothing wrong with me, said the doctor. ‘Go home and rest and you’ll be fine!’ So I went home to bed, and that’s where David found me when he got back from the USA that evening. When I got up the next day, I felt better and tried to get going, but was soon feeling strange again.
‘Take some time off to get better!’ said my line manager. So I tried to, but all the time I was obsessing about a paper I had to write, and wanting to keep on going, doing what I could do, treating this as a temporary ‘blip’ and ready to get back to full tilt work asap.
Maybe my tiredness this week is reflecting that pattern: I may be ‘walking out of that door towards the head injury’ in my trauma journey, but there’s a lot to do in my 2015 life. People have said, ‘Writing is therapeutic’ – in this case, it’s therapeutic because it reminds me that I’m dealing with more than my 2015 responsibilities. I wasn’t ‘normal’ after I hit my head, and I am still not at the stage where I can work at full tilt for a whole week. Better to take a break every day to recognize the trauma journey, to be still, to acknowledge the Loving Lord in control, to discern what not to do today!