When it triggers again . . .

The great thing about the coronavirus world is that it shelters me from trauma triggers – especially crowds and cars. BUT is that a Good Thing? It certainly makes life more comfortable, but it actually seems to be making me MORE sensitive to the triggers when they come.

So I suppose that I should thank God for a week surrounded by one of my worse triggers – vibrations, and especially vibrations if I am stuck inside something. If you know the background, you’ll see where that comes from – stuck inside a wrecked car with the engine still going . . . I won’t elaborate on that.

2 weeks ago, the university over the road from our Houston home turned on an old generator, and left it running for nearly a week. Our whole home was vibrating. David took quick action, putting rubber tiling down in 2 rooms to damp the waves. And that gave me space to identify the deadest spot in each room (the nodes of the standing waves). We even moved the bed so that I could sleep with my head in the dead spot! But, even after that, I was living in a vibrating box, and, when I carefully sat in a dead spot to do my Zooms etc, I was trapped there – move a metre, and I was back in the vibrations. You can imagine how thankful we were when that old generator was turned down – and we don’t know whether they will turn it back on.

Why should I thank God for all that? Maybe it has served to desensitise me to future vibrations. It has certainly dredged up some more memories, and maybe they needed to be processed. Perhaps, though, the main thing it has done has been to remind me of who I am – what is this creature who is trying to live in this world, and out of what history and experience does she seek to serve her Lord? So, today, I am deliberately thanking God for that week (although also asking to be spared another like it!) . . . and offering to Him again my traumatised 15 year-old-self for His service and for the good of all with whom I will relate today.

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